I'm extremely Type A. I love plans, and I love for my plans to work out. God has a funny way of making my plans not work out. Today was one of those days. Today me and my boyfriend of three years broke up. I know he wouldn't mind me sharing this so I'm telling you all! I had all the plans for our future, I wanted it so badly. I loved our relationship- one that glorified the Lord and pushed me in my faith and encouraged me in my struggles. But sometimes God calls us to people, places and things only for a season. Then His will for us is done in that area, and we are called to take up our crosses and follow Him elsewhere (Matthew 16:24).
At the beginning of the relationship, Jake and I told ourselves that God comes first. Always. And I promised myself that as long as the relationship stayed within His will, I would do my best to glorify Him in it and if His will changed, then so would the relationship. Yeah. Easier said than done. It's so hard to follow God's plans when they aren't what I want. It's not what I want at all! I LOVED that relationship and was so confident in much of God's place in it.
But Jake and I kept our promise. Follow God first and our hearts second. God has an amazing way of turning my life plans into much more amazing outcomes than I could have dreamed. So much of me hurts and I wish that things didn't have to be this way- I wish I could gain back my appetite, that my heart would stop aching (literally!), that I would FINALLY stop crying and that my stomach would unwind from all its knots. I feel temporary pain that seems like it's going to last a long time, I feel broken, I feel weak. But God USES us in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
At the end of the day, all I can have faith in is this- the God that parted the Red Sea, that rose Jesus from the dead and created our bodies from dust, promises us GOOD for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). At the end of the day, His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). At the end of the day, everything from the breath in my lungs to the earth under my feet was given to me from God. So how can I do anything less than to believe that His will for my life will never lead me to a place where His grace will not protect? I plan to spend this time dwelling in His goodness, grasping onto Him in my loneliness, and seeking Him in everything. I'm fully aware of how empty I will feel in the coming weeks, but I am even more hopeful in how the Lord will overflow my heart with His love (Romans 15:13). His plans for us are unimaginable, His love for us is unfathomable. And beyond my brokenness and pain, I have so much peace in this decision. Because I know God has me in the palm of His hand.
He knows the plans He has for us. Listen to Him when He calls you. Run to Him when you obey Him. And rest in Him while you let Him heal you with His mighty hands. God is greater than your greatest problem and He will overcome (John 4:4).
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